If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
