escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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