I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
No subtext here. People are naked.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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