he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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