I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
