Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
