my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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