who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
