Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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