I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
