pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
there is glitter all over my balls
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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