She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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