Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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