i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize