No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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