I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
