After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
