Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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