Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
