im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
