very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
