The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
