Sry I called you an 8
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
