Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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