it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
