You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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