I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize