24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
