I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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