I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
im holly from the hills drunk
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
