You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
