How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
