puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
