I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
