Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
