If i come over, it means nothing
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
