so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
