i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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