it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
