she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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