Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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