This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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