Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
