Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just google imaged poop.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
