i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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