hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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