She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize