chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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