somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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