I just saw a hot homeless man
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
