remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
