I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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