Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
