Soap is not a condiment
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Terrible idea I love it
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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