I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
