And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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