here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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