Small penises have feelings too.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
