Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I want her autograph on my taint
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
