you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
