you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Randomize
