Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
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