Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
