Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
