so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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