I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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