pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
