Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
