Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
