I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
