My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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