i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Randomize
