Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
