dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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