their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize